Hi Friends and Family,
I’ve elected to start putting this on my blog so that,
firstly, people can choose to read these updates ON THEIR OWN TIME instead of
in one’s inbox and, secondly, because I like the juxtaposition of our
free-wheeling life of travel with our now three weeks of experience as parents.
This week started well—first walk downtown for brunch in
their strollers, our introduction to the Kids Menu, some time at a new park,
and swimming as a family. Since I’ll still be seeing clients on Saturdays,
Sundays, always precious, are even more so, and it was a good one. I was
anxious about Monday as we had our first case plan meeting (and I was meeting
their parents) but it was overall a very positive experience. Many of you have
asked about this and I am most grateful, and I’ll share to the extent that I
feel that I can preserve their privacy and dignity, too. Mom and Dad were very
gracious to me—Dad even thanked me for taking care of his children. They are
really up against it—tremendous poverty, stress, mental illness, homelessness,
unemployment, domestic violence...the stuff of life too difficult and too
taxing, and I pray for them now that I know them. We know no more about how
long the boys will be with us, if we’ll end up their forever family or if we’ll
simply be what we hope is a healthy and happy stopover while Mom and Dad figure
it out. I’m asking, in my prayers that the right thing happen.
I’ve been helped TREMENDOUSLY by a helper, J, who is staying
with our friend Elizabeth. She’s 16 and comes two days a week to help me take
the kids on additional adventures that are too unwieldy for zone defense. I’ve
been grateful for her 16 year-old energy as she can endlessly chase and climb
and swing and because she allows me to stem the tide of dirty diapers, dirty
bottles and sippy cups, dirty clothes, the diverse menu on our kitchen
floor....I was especially grateful Wednesday as the boys had their first
pediatrician visit and ended up needing six shots each—awful—parents know you
have to hold their little hands down and I did my best not to cry, too—but they
were fairly quickly soothed by stickers and are in seemingly good health and on
track developmentally.
We’ve discovered a new indoor playpark which has been
terrific this week with super-high temperatures—the boys know no strangers, but
play well with others and listen as well as can be expected for their age.
One observation this week has been an increase in
behaviors—nothing that seems inappropriate, at all, but Ben and I posit that
they’re relaxing as time goes on...so there’s more attitude and tears at
bedtime, more wrestling, more timeouts, longer meals (but remember I did that
ABA therapy for a year with a little boy with Autism? That has come in very
handy with “What are we working for, cheese or grapes?” as a reward for the
additional bite of eggs or pasta or whatever the undesired item is that day. )
Thing 2 likes to climb his brothers crib which is a big no-no, so we’ve had to
stem that a bit (though it seems to have gotten better over the last three
days, fingers crossed) and Thing 1 is waking once a night now wanting a bottle.
I was worried we were underfeeding this child, who is a Hoss, but Ben suggested
that it might be starting here in week three as there was likely some period of
time in which the cries were not answered so he learned not to bother. I have
to admit that, since it’s only once, I love the night-feeding; Thing 1 is so
cute and snuggly and just a baby at that point and I love it.
Highlights this week; my first Mama, Ben’s first Dada, my
first “Lub you” in response to I love you, lots of giggling. Lowlights include
some post-nap whininess, sibling rivalry and toy-grabbing, and, Lord, the
urine. So much urine. Ben had a treat last night of the first BM during
bathtime. He drew a winner.
Lindsey, pink boots were left in the jogging stroller and
we’ve set them by the door to return. Thing 2 things he looks FABULOUS in them,
so it will be a subtle reconnaissance
mission.
Being a stay-at-home parent, for even three weeks, has
challenged me, and I’ve been so grateful to friends who offer to babysit, friends
who call and text, your listening ears. Tuesday was particularly tough with the
behaviors and it felt like I was living with two tiny, irrational, charismatic
Warlords bent on my destruction. Last night we watched (we are watching The West
Wing for the third time once the warlords go to bed or at least stop whatever
resistance they are launching that night) the episode where Toby ‘s twins are
born and he speaks about his anxiety about loving them enough—and this spoke to
me. I’m good at structure and routine and discipline but need work with
patience and silliness and managing my own anxieties around this whole process.
I also love my adult life—our friendships,
our plans, my work, and I want to do it all well. Anyway, here’s what he said:
If, for nine months, you're hearing how this is
gonna change
your life, and: "You've never loved anything
like this," and, "My God, the
love" and, "Nothing's gonna be
important anymore." It just never really felt
to me like I was someone who had the capacity for
those feelings. Plus, you
know, I
like what's important to me. I want it to stay important. I, uh,
I wanna be able to do it well.
Thanks for listening.
