The Backyard of the Future and Christmas

Howdy Loyal Readers (Nadine!),

It's been about four months since my last post.

I've been real, real busy. Mostly, I've been thinking a lot about ideas discussed in this post, spending approximately six hours locked in a bathroom, and giving great thought to legally changing my last name to Hammerhead Shark, and these things take a lot of energy. In between I work and sleep, but won't write about the former, as I don't want to get Dooced.

A friend once told me that she knew a guy that built himself an outdoor pizza oven. He even makes his own dough! Needless to say, I've been fascinated with this concept since about May of this year, and have even done a bit of internet research and considered sending away to Australia for the instructional DVD. Step one: Must own house with backyard in which to build outdoor pizza oven. We're on a 2-3 year plan to complete step one.

I've been talking about my longed-for outdoor pizza oven for about six months, as well as our plan to purchase and care for two miniature horses, who, with the aid of a cart, will be responsible for pulling boiled shrimp on ice and beer around at future parties. Everyone in my immediate family thinks this is an amazing idea, or, if not, can't get a word in edgewise to say otherwise.

Last weekend my folks, brother and future sister-in-law visited for the weekend, and the conversation quickly turned, as it so often does, to the pizza oven and miniature horses, to be collectively referred to henceforth at "The Backyard of the Future" or TBOTF.

This is basically how the conversation went down.

Dad: "This is good french onion soup, Robyn, maybe a litte sweet. In the future, maybe don't carmelize the onions quite as much."

Brother: "Where's the meat?"

Mom: "Robyn, I'm surprised that you have become such a good cook. You know who's a good cook? Your brother. He is also very funny/good looking/smart/good at making biscuits."

Brother: "If you're going to bother building an outdoor pizza oven, you should really look into also building a tandoori oven for Indian food."

Dad: "No, no...you could do both tandoori and pizza in the same oven. If you're really thinking of doing this, you should get one of those upside-down Mongolian bells that you can use as a grill."

Brother: "What the hell, Dad? I've never even seen one of those things."

Dad: "You can cook shrimp on those things."

Brother: "I wish I had some shrimp right now, at least there would be some meat with this dinner."

(Husband and future sister-in-law just exchange sympathetic looks)

Robyn: "Fine! If I build the pizza oven, I'll also build a tandoori and somehow secure an upside-down Mongolian bell."

Mom: "What's a mongolian bell?" Subtext: I'll ask (brother) because I know he is smart.

Dad: "Dammit, Nancy, it's just a bell, you cook on it."

Mom: "Oh, thanks (she directs this thanks at my brother)"

We move on to dessert.

This weekend, we were home to shop for wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law, and around the table for dinner we begin discussing what to do for Christmas this year:

Robyn: "I want Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking and a subscription to Oxford American."

Dad: "Only if you give me old issues."

Brother: "I can make a bomb-ass coq au vin."

Mom just roles her eyes. My husband, once again in survival mode, just quietly eats his meal.

Brother: "Robyn, you can't cook French in a pizza oven."

Dad: "We should really think about getting that upside-down Mongolian bell."

Mom: "What's a Mongolian bell?"

Brother: "And a tandoori oven."

Dad: (very excited) "No, scratch that all. For Christmas this year, I want you kids to get out in the backyard and build me an outdoor smokehouse. Now, that is an idea. I would live out there if you kids would just build me an outdoor smokehouse."

Now, dear readers, you see that I come by it naturally. We are an idea family. Execution may be lacking, but we have some big ideas. Big ideas that will build TBOTF.